Self and Selflessness (Midweek Message)

Fr. Tony’s Midweek Message

Self and Selflessness

January 14, 2015

All the joy the world contains

Has come through wishing happiness for others.

All the misery the world contains

Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself.

        --8^th century Buddhist Monk Shantideva 

“Those who seek their own life will lose it, and those who lose their life will find it.”  (Jesus, Luke 17:33)

In popular psychology and self-help circles, we talk a lot about setting healthy boundaries, standing up for ourselves and being neither co-dependent nor cravenly dominated by others.  In the degree that this helps us to overcome unhealthy dependence, poor self-image, and shed enabling bad behaviors in others, this is good.  But we should never confuse a healthy sense of personal responsibility and boundaries with self-seeking or ego. 

It is not wrong to enjoy the blessings God sends our way.  Jesus liked to drink with his friends, and tell good stories and jokes with them.  Many of his parables have the character of edgy jokes, with pointed punch lines.  When he says “lose your life” or “take up your cross,” he is not asking us to be grim, joyless automatons.  In saying to learn self-sacrifice, he is not asking us to become like the pathetic “Giving Tree” in Shel Silverstein’s story, whose only happiness is found in self-abnegation to the point of annihilation. 

Jesus is inviting us to lose our false selves, or overweening ego and desire to be reassured by approval of others.  In saying, “Become like children,” he is not asking us to be selfish, self-absorbed brats, but rather people with open hearts and eyes full of wonder at the world God gives us.   

May we all develop balance in our seeking good for others and healthy enjoyment of and wonder at God’s gifts. 

Grace and Peace, 

Fr. Tony+