Fr. Tony’s Midweek
Message
April 4, 2018
Bearing with Our Own and
Each Other’s Infirmities
We Episcopalians want to
have beautiful and uplifting worship.
We want the music we sing and play, the readings and prayers we give, the
rites and ceremonies we act out, the bulletins we produce, the vestments we
wear, and the appointments of our worship space to be fitting offerings to
God. As a result, sometimes we get very
hung up on the minutia of having things “just so.” This is a good thing in that it encourages us
to work toward a worthy offering, but can be a very bad thing if we let it
distract us from the worship itself.
We can be too hard on
ourselves, and feel that we should not volunteer to participate if our offering
is not “sufficient” in “quality.” And we
can be hard on others when their participation does not meet our own exacting
standards or taste.
I occasionally have to
counsel parishioners reluctant to serve or who want to stop serving because of
fears of not getting things “just right.”
What I tell them is this: What we
aim for in our worship leadership is relaxed attentiveness, not choreographed
perfection. What matters is bringing reverence and love to this service,
and not being overly worried about occasional ‘mess ups.’ No one in the
pews notices anyway, or at least should
notice. The fact is, getting the
motions right comes from repetition and practice. As the old saw says, ‘Wisdom
is the fruit of experience, and experience is the fruit of getting things
wrong.’
Here in this theater
town, everybody on occasion wants to be a critic. And when we have such high standards set by
truly gifted people—be they musicians, preachers, teachers, or readers—it can
be tempting to apply our critical skills to others as well as ourselves. But carping on other people’s failings,
either in their presence or behind their backs, breaks the mutual love,
respect, and charity to which Christ calls us.
It discourages participation and relaxed attentiveness rather than
encourages it. Critical carping usually tarts
itself up as “only trying to make helpful suggestions.” The difference
is whether we really are trying to help, whether we have the right relationship
and mutual affection, and the care we take in choosing an appropriate time and
setting for the suggestions. Here at
Trinity, we are pretty good at this usually.
One of my great joys here is working with the worship committee, where
our relationships are such that we can share our reactions and suggestions with
each other candidly all in the context of mutual care and help. But even here at loving little Trinity, I
have had musicians, lectors, altar servers, and altar or flower guild ministers
come to me in tears on occasions, hurt by ill-timed and unsympathetic “suggestions”
by others.
What we have to remember
is that this service is an offering the person is making to God. And it is not us up to us to give a thumbs up
or thumbs down on the offering of another sister or brother in Christ.
A confession: I once served
at a Cathedral where the standard use for solemn Eucharist on Sundays was to
sing the Eucharistic Prayer. One of the
priests was wholly tone deaf, but he followed the Dean’s orders to sing the
prayer in accordance with the use. The
first time I heard him sing his off-key monotone, I was in the choir, and I winced
visibly. Afterwards, the choir master, himself
a demanding musician whose standards were near perfection, took me aside. “Tony,” he said, “you need to hear what the
good father intends in his heart, not what his vocal chords produce. We are here to pray and worship, not perform.”
Striking a balance
between “quality assurance” and acceptance of each other is always tricky. We
should focus on the intention of our worship.
Relaxed attentiveness, not perfection in performance is how we best
connect with God and each other.
Grace and Peace,
Fr. Tony+
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