A Trip to a Hong Kong Barber (Midweek)

A Trip to a Hong Kong Barber

Fr. Tony’s Midweek Message

April 3, 2019

When I was newly ordained and serving at St. John’s Cathedral in Hong Kong while working days at the U.S. Consulate there, I was in a clergy discussion group.  I wrote the following as part of one of our discussions. The main point is the importance of losing oneself in the work, though it talks also about the incongruities of wearing clericals (the clergy collar and a black suit) in the secular city.  I thought some of you might find it interesting, and perhaps illuminating on ministry: 

“I had an experience the other day that made me personalize the question under discussion in the group ("What is a good priest?")  I had been thinking about the question and wondering what I would write.  Between two activities with Church where I was wearing a collar, I had time to run over to my barbershop to get a trim.  I had previously shown up once at the barbershop in a collar when a similar scheduling window had occurred.  I was wearing a full collar and so could not discreetly slip out the tab, nor go about without any collar at all.  As I got into the barber chair, I realized that it would be much cleaner and easier if I simply removed the collar while I was actually being trimmed, and so proceeded to do so.  My barber got a look of boyish curiosity in his eye, and said,  ‘I've always wondered what those things were made out of, cloth, paper or what?’  So I let him handle and see the plastic cleri-cool collar explaining that they used to be starched cloth but now they almost always were plastic molded to look like cloth since these are easier to keep clean and unstained.  (Oddly, others have asked me about the collars-- they seem to be a source of puzzlement to many, not just because they serve as a professional ‘brand’ but because people can't figure out what material they are from the looks of them.) 

“Anyway, once I was in the chair and the haircut underway, the barber opened up and talked more than he ever had before (I've been seeing him once every two weeks for two years).  He asked where I served, and smiled with recognition when I said Saint John’s.  Then he said that the first time I had come in a collar, he thought that maybe I was an actor who had just been to an audition for a role as a priest, or maybe from a shoot.  He said that when he had talked about it to his wife she had assured him that it was highly unlikely that I was an actor, and that in all likelihood I was clergy of some sort, and had not been in collar the other times because I tried to dress in civvies and not in uniform when away from work.  He also said he seemed to remember that I was at the American Consulate, and so wondered whether I was a spy just pretending to be a priest.  I explained my ‘tent-maker’ (non-stipendiary) status at the cathedral, which most definitely could not be called ‘part-time,’ and my ongoing work in public affairs at the consulate.  

“Well, though both of us laughed as he was telling his story about wondering about me, his innocent guesses about my true identity caused me quite a bit of reflection.   The fact is, I on occasion feel like an actor pretending to be something I'm not when I'm in clerical garb.  And if my conscience is bothering me about something I need to amend, sometimes I almost feel like the fraudulent spy of my barber’s reveries.    Oddly, I feel this most while in clericals, not in Eucharistic vestments.  I suspect that’s because I tend to be taken out of myself in the liturgy.  Oh, and when I teach at the theological college (in clericals) I also don’t have this sense, again probably because I lose myself in the work and love teaching. 

“The thing is this, though:  after saying this, he then continued being chatty through the whole haircut.  He told me he and his wife were Christians, but he said (almost like in confessional tones) that he had not been going to church for several years.  ‘But I pray every day,’ he added.  He paused, expecting me to say something encouraging, forgiving or motivating.  He paused for me, who had just come to get my haircut, and who was feeling a little condemned by his mention of the words ‘actor’ and ‘spy’ to give him spiritual advice. 

“I muttered something like ‘you're like many people, I think,’ and ‘it’s important to pray.’   I then asked about his wife and family, to get to know him better. 

“So what does this story have to do with the question ‘What is a good priest?’  I think losing oneself in the work and being caught up in service is the essential bit.  At least, that's how I felt after I had my haircut.”

This principle is key to living happily and effectively in the Church:  most of the interpersonal and factional tensions we see in ministry, whether clergy or lay, stem from concern about our own role and our own dignity, and losing sight of the service to which we are called and those whom we are called to serve.  Whether it is worry about “getting results,” or “leaving a legacy,” or simply fears about worthiness (our own or that of others), focus on self means we are not available, truly present, for others.  This is why Jesus tells us again and again “lose your self to save it.” 

Peace,

Fr. Tony+