Fr.
Tony’s Midweek Message
Deadlines
December
18, 2019
I
need deadlines to get things done. I
tend to be lazy and indolent, and put things off until they MUST be done. Without deadlines, I procrastinate and put
things off, sometimes until it is too late, or almost too late. Deadlines help impose a pressure to perform
before things get to a critical point.
But
deadlines and pressure have a cost too:
they rob us of the ease of doing things naturally and
spontaneously. I have noticed that my
worst caregiving for Elena comes when I am under a hard deadline, whether it is
getting her to Church, a concert, or a play at a specific time, or bedtime
before evening exhaustion threatens to melt us down and cause what care
professionals call “sundowning.” Under
pressure, I tend to transfer the pressure on me onto her, even as I keep my
words civil and my tone restrained. The
tension leaks out; I cannot help it. And
pressure and tension is a surefire way of aggravating Parkinson’s freezing or
tremors, only making the delay in meeting the deadline worse. I do a much better job when I build in plenty
of time to take things at a leisurely pace and not rush anything at all. So I
have learned to take things at a more leisurely pace, and start earlier than my
indolent self likes. I think I am slowly
improving in this.
Courage
is often described as grace under pressure.
But I wonder: is grace itself
love that refuses to be put under pressure, or love that plans ahead to keep
the pressures at minimum? Is grace love
that won’t let its hair be set on fire when the hair of all those about is
ablaze?
The
curious thing about Advent is that with all the talk of the coming Great and
Dreadful Day of the Lord, it ends with sweet baby Jesus lying in a manger. With all the talk about repenting and
amending our ways NOW in the time of this mortal life, before death makes it
too late, Advent tells us that the day is already breaking, and life is already
being renewed. With all the talk about standing
ready, awake, lest the Master come suddenly and find us unaware and asleep,
Advent tells us to have hope and thankfulness in our hearts for the Salvation
that is on it way. It tells us to hurry up and wait, to relax
into the great wave that is washing over us.
This
morning I gave last rites to a beloved member of the parish, whom a stroke quickly
and painlessly put to sleep before breakfast.
She had said many times she did not want to grow older and more and more
afflicted and diminished (“not like these hundred-year olds around me”). She just wanted to go swiftly and painlessly,
to be rejoined with her beloved husband, whose remains lie in the Trinity Columbarium.
For her, the final deadline arrived suddenly, with her unaware of its
arrival. Her prayers were answered: she did not suffer. She was well prepared, and she died
well.
We
should not let our hopes and expectations create pressure and trouble our
hearts. We should make and honor deadlines
to keep pressure away, not to increase pressure. We need to act in timely ways, deliberately,
relaxed. For the final deadline is
coming, and will be sooner than we expect.
Grace
and peace.
Fr.
Tony+
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