Soul-Mates
Rite of Holy Matrimony and Eucharist for
Brian Thomas
Bedell and YAN Nan.
The Rev. Dr.
Anthony Hutchinson
Parish
Church of Trinity, Ashland (Oregon)
Wednesday,
August 7, 2013 2:00 p.m.
Song of
Solomon 2:10-13; 8:6-7; Psalm 128; Ephesians 5:21-33; Matthew 5:1-12
God, give us compassionate hearts,
hearts to love and feel.
Take away our hearts of stone, and give
us hearts of flesh. Amen
In Chinese, when we
talk about someone who is a soul-mate, a true friend—we say we share缘分yuanfen. The idea is that we have a link that
goes back to some kind of previous life, back to a whole set of good deeds we
may have done one another from before we remember, threads of causality from beyond
our knowing. That’s why there are silk
threads on the left side of the character for karma or fate, 缘yuan.
In Western romantic
literature, this idea is expressed by the phrase, finding your “one and only”
true love. It certainly describes the kind of love my parents had—they met in
second grade, were best friends, and fell in love as soon as they were in high
school. They secretly married when they were seventeen years old, much to the
chagrin of their parents. But they remained faithful and true to each other for
sixty-some years, until they died.
I never saw them argue, though I often saw them work out differences between themselves.
I once asked my father how it was that you could tell if you had found your one true love, your “one and only.” He looked pained at the question, as if I had missed the point. He said, “it doesn’t really matter if you think you have found your one and only. Many people think they have their one true love, only to discover as they age and change that it was a short-lived emotion, a passing attraction. And their marriages didn’t last. So you shouldn’t ask whether you have found your one and only. You should ask what you need to do today to make the one you love your one and only. Because you don’t find a true soul-mate—you make one through actions each day.”
I thought my father was being terribly un-romantic. But I knew he was deeply and hopelessly in love with my mother. And that, after fifty years of life together.
I have come to realize that he was describing the only kind of romance that lasts-- one that is strengthened and renewed each day, through thick and thin, by the actions that show and build mutual respect, love, and passion.
Today Brian and Nan you are making each other promises in the presence of family, friends, and colleagues. Be present for each other, and always attentive. Be sure to take time each day to listen to each other. Allow each other space. May your home be a center of generosity and hospitality, and may you welcome, God willing, children. Raising children is one of the greatest chances we have to show our generosity and love. And most of all, be sure to be honest with each other and willing to admit fault when you are wrong. And always: forgive, forgive, forgive.
I never saw them argue, though I often saw them work out differences between themselves.
I once asked my father how it was that you could tell if you had found your one true love, your “one and only.” He looked pained at the question, as if I had missed the point. He said, “it doesn’t really matter if you think you have found your one and only. Many people think they have their one true love, only to discover as they age and change that it was a short-lived emotion, a passing attraction. And their marriages didn’t last. So you shouldn’t ask whether you have found your one and only. You should ask what you need to do today to make the one you love your one and only. Because you don’t find a true soul-mate—you make one through actions each day.”
I thought my father was being terribly un-romantic. But I knew he was deeply and hopelessly in love with my mother. And that, after fifty years of life together.
I have come to realize that he was describing the only kind of romance that lasts-- one that is strengthened and renewed each day, through thick and thin, by the actions that show and build mutual respect, love, and passion.
Today Brian and Nan you are making each other promises in the presence of family, friends, and colleagues. Be present for each other, and always attentive. Be sure to take time each day to listen to each other. Allow each other space. May your home be a center of generosity and hospitality, and may you welcome, God willing, children. Raising children is one of the greatest chances we have to show our generosity and love. And most of all, be sure to be honest with each other and willing to admit fault when you are wrong. And always: forgive, forgive, forgive.
May God’s richest blessings be upon you and your life together.
In the name of God, Amen.
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