Bless Me For I Have Sinned (Mid-week Meditation)

“Bless Me, for I have Sinned” 

Mid-Week Meditation

16 February 2012 

“Happy are they whose transgressions are forgiven,

               and whose sin is put away!

Happy are they to whom the Lord imputes no guilt,

               and in whose spirit there is no guile!

While I held my tongue, my bones withered away,

               because of my groaning all day long.

For your hand was heavy upon me day and night;

               my moisture was dried up as in the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you,

               and did not conceal my guilt.

I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’

               Then you forgave me the guilt of my sin.” (Psalm 32: 1-6)

Admission of fault and expression of remorse for our wrongdoings are part of a healthy process of amendment of life.   Such acts of confession and contrition have always been seen as a necessary step in repentance and helping us to find peace with each other and within ourselves. That is why we have a general confession of sin in almost all of our worship, both Morning and Evening Prayer offices and the Holy Eucharist. 

In addition to General Public Confession and our private confessions to God in our prayers, the Prayer Book (pp. 446-452) provides for a private confession of sin between a penitent and “a discreet priest.”  The Reconciliation of a Penitent is an ancient ritual.  Though not one of the two Sacraments specifically instituted as such by our Lord while he lived (Baptism and Eucharist), Reconciliation (often just called “Confession”) is counted in Anglicanism and the Episcopal Church as one of the Sacraments of the Church (along with Confirmation, Holy Matrimony, Anointing of the Ill, and Holy Orders).  

 

Due to countless images in movies from the rite as practiced in the Roman use, when we hear “confession,” we often picture a special booth with a priest on one side of the screen and the penitent on the other.  But in the Episcopal Church, the rite takes place either in the church (usually near the altar rail) or the clergy's office.   We recognize that it serves as an aid in personal repentance and amendment of life.  It helps us be more honest, less inclined to tell God how we think our failings should be understood, as we might if praying alone or confessing generally in public.  It allows for pastoral counseling and some spiritual direction.   Because we do not see confession as a one-size-fits-all requirement, for us “All may.  None must.  Some should.” That is, we welcome and encourage all to confess as they feel the need, we require no one to do so, and we recognize that some people really ought to avail themselves of this sacrament since it is such a powerful tool in helping us forgive ourselves for past mistakes and find reconciliation. 

Since private confession to a priest is not compulsory for us, and since it takes time and effort, and, quite frankly, often provokes embarrassment in us as we “fess up” in front of another person, most Episcopalians never bother to seek the sacrament unless they attend an Anglo-Catholic Parish.   I think this is worth a second look for Broad Church Episcopalians (and even Low Church Episcopalians) as the centuries long practice of confessing one's sins to God in the presence of a priest who can then pronounce absolution remains a powerful experience, and very helpful in putting an end to past wrongs.   I have found in my own life that it is an important way to make a break with past sins.   This is why as your rector and pastor, I am recommending it as part of our Lenten discipline and preparation for Easter.

I am reserving most of Shrove Tuesday (February 21) to hear confessions so that you might be able to go to Ash Wednesday services the next day with a sense of a new and fresh start.  Appointments can be made by calling the Trinity Parish Office.  I always am available to hear confession upon request.

If you have never done this and are nervous, don’t worry.  There are two rites you can choose from, and both are simple and easy, and generally only take 5-10 minutes.  I will guide you through it if that makes you feel more comfortable.  And rest assured that anything you say in this context is fully confidential, never to be repeated or referred to again.  It is between you and your God.   

In confession we unload our baggage, and dump the toxic waste we have been carrying around with us.  Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are loaded down and exhausted with a heavy a burden.  Take my yoke upon you and become my students.  I am gentle and kind and you will find a complete rest.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and my burden is so light you’ll think it nothing at all” (Matthew 11:28-30).   Confess your sins and God will separate you as from them as far as the east is from the west. Confess them in the presence of another, expressing true repentance and amendment of life and you will find it easier to walk away from that past.  You won’t want to go back to the toxic waste you have unloaded.  And you will find that Jesus’ burden is light indeed. 

--Father Tony+

A Chosen Vessel (Conversion of St. Paul, Jan. 25) Mid-week Reflection

Carravagio's Conversion of St. Pau

A Chosen Vessel

(Conversion of St. Paul, January 25) 

Mid-week Reflection

“Don’t even try.  You can’t teach on old dog new tricks.  A leopard can’t change its spots.”  These bits of proverbial wisdom stem from peoples’ experience and the frustration we encounter in trying to change long held patterns of thought and behavior.   It is important to remember that while they describe what is often the case, they are not certain descriptions of human possibility. 

Today (January 25) is the commemoration of the conversion of Saul of Tarsus, who went from ardent persecutor of Christians to being Paul, the main Christian missionary to the Gentiles. 

Most of us know the story from St. Luke’s portrayal of the event in the Book of Acts:  

“And as he journeyed, it came to pass that he drew near Damascus: and suddenly there shone round about him a light out of heaven: and he fell upon the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute thou me? And he said, Who are you, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus whom you are persecuting: but rise, and enter into the city, and there you shall be told what you must do. And those journeying with him stood speechless, hearing the sound, but seeing no one.  Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes, he could see nothing.  They led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And he was blind for three days, and ate and drank nothing during that time.”  (Acts 9:3-9)

Ananias Restoring the Sight of St. Paul (c.1631) by Pietro da Corona.   

The story continues with a devout Jewish Christian, Ananaias, receiving a divine revelation telling him to visit Saul at the house of Judas on the aptly-named "Street Called Straight," where he is to lay hands on Saul to restore his sight.  Ananias, having heard stories of just how aggressive and abusive Saul is, does not want to do this.  He finally relents when God tells him, “Go ahead and do this, for [Saul] is a chosen vessel for me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel. 

Acts tells the story two other times, both in speeches placed on Paul’s lips (Acts 22:6-21 and 26:12-18).  These tell the story differently and seem focused on attracting the audiences addressed by the speeches:  Acts 22 seems to want to establish Paul’s credibility to a Jewish audience by linking him to Ananias' good reputation in the Jewish community in Damascus, while Acts 26 seems aimed at attracting its Roman audience by its emphasis on loyalty and obedience to orders.

In contradistinction to Luke, Paul himself refers to his conversion a couple of times in his own letters.  In Galatians, he stresses that the revelation came from God and not from some human intermediary (like Ananias in Acts):  

For I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that the gospel that was proclaimed by me is not of human origin; for I did not receive it from a human source, nor was I taught it, but I received it through a revelation of Jesus Christ. You have heard, no doubt, of my earlier life in Judaism. I was violently persecuting the church of God and was trying to destroy it. I advanced in Judaism beyond many among my people of the same age, for I was far more zealous for the traditions of my ancestors. But when God, who had set me apart before I was born and called me through his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son to me, so that I might proclaim him among the Gentiles, I did not confer with any human being.”   (Galatians 1:11-16)

Despite this claim of having no human intermediary, Paul elsewhere sets his own conversion within the context of traditions that he had received from others:  

“For I passed on to you the tradition first of all that I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; that he was buried; that he rose again on the third day according to the scriptures; that he appeared to Cephas, then the Twelve; after that, he appeared to over five hundred of our family at once; of whom the greater part are still alive, but some have died. After that, he appeared to James; then to all the apostles. And last of all he appeared also to me, a monstrous child born at the wrong time, as it were.” (1 Corinthians 15:3-8) 

The great hope that the conversion of St. Paul gives us is this:  it is possible to change, even when you have a weight of experience telling you that you will always remain the same.  You can teach an old dog new tricks.   Or at least God can.  A leopard can change its spots.  Or at least God can make it so.  

But this is the result of serious "power from on high" and grace from God.  But it also stems from seeking the socialization and support from people living on the "Street called Straight," tradition-bearers like Ananias.   

Thanks be to God.  

--Fr. Tony+

Ash Wednesday Collect (Comment)

Comment on the Collect for Ash Wednesday

 

Almighty and everlasting God, you hate nothing you have made and forgive the sins of all who are penitent: Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of you, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

The Church has traditionally prepared for Great Feast of Easter by observing a period of fasting and penance lasting for 40 days, not counting Sundays, which are themselves festivals of the Resurrection.  It recalls Jesus's time of fasting in the wilderness preparing for his public ministry.  During the period, Christians reflect on where they fall short of what God intended for them when He created them.  Through an enhanced program of spritiual discipline--usually including self-denial, more prayer, and confession and spiritual direction--we seek closer communion with God and amendment of life.   


Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of Lent.   On this day, many of us recite more complete forms of confession and litanies, and have priests impose ashes on our foreheads in the sign of the cross as a sign of penance.  The Book of Common Prayer's Collect, or Prayer for the Day, for Ash Wednesday is cited above.  


The Collect provides succinctly the theology and belief that must lie behind any authentic practice of the Lenten Fast.  


Most of us, like T.S. Eliot in his poem "Ash Wednesday," find that we dare not hope to reform or change, dare not hope to be the unusual old dog who can learn a new trick: 

Because I do not hope to turn again
Because I do not hope


Because I do not hope to turn
Desiring this man's gift and that man's scope


I no longer strive to strive towards such things
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)

But as the Collect says clearly, our hope for amendment, our hope for closer communion with God, our hope for hope itself lies here:  God does not hate anything that He has made.  No matter how far we are from what God intends, no matter how much we have distorted the image of God that God placed in us in creating us, no matter how twisted we have become and what bad use we have put to God's gifts, God forgives and heals. 


But this grace can be accepted by us only if we are sorry for our misdoings, and the start of such sorrow lies sometimes merely in only being desirous of being sorry for our misdoings.   This provides God something He can grab onto as he struggles with us, works with us, forgives us, and heals us. 


The journey we set out on in Lent is a path on which we let that desire work in our hearts and become sorrow for our misdoings.   We let the silly disciplines we impose on ourselves ("no meat," "no alcohol," "no sweets,") make us uncomfotable enough that  we pay more attention to things we usually like to avert our attention from.

As the Collect reminds us, it is God who does the real work in Lent-- He creates in us new hearts able to feel sadness at our failings (that's what contrition means).  It is God who makes us able to have the right feelings about our failings ("worthily lamenting our sins"). 


As we begin this journey, let us remember the words spoken to Everyman and Everywoman in the story of the defection of humanity in Genesis 2-3, spoken as we were expelled--through our fault, not God's--from the Garden of Delight where we are what God intended:  "From dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return." 


In the name of Christ, Amen. 

PENITENTIAL PRAYERS FOR LENT

Lord Jesus, Son of God, you struggled in the desert for forty days and nights yet overthrew the tempter’s power.  So incline my heart that I may desire to walk in your ways,  and form my will that I may seek to serve others and avoid the occasions for sin.    Grant me grace to bring forth in deed fruits worthy of one who trusts in you.  Have mercy on me, a sinner.
(-AAH)


Almighty and eternal God, who drew out a fountain of living water in the desert for your people, as they well knew, draw from the hardness of our hearts tears of compunction, that we may be able to lament our sins, and may merit to receive you in your mercy.
Latin, late 14th century; The Oxford Book of Prayers (OBOP) no. 344


O God our Father, help us to nail to the cross of thy dear Son the whole body of our death, the wrong desires of the heart, the sinful devisings of the mind, the corrupt apprehensions of the eyes, the cruel words of the tongue, the ill employment of hands and feet; that the old man being crucified and done away, the new man may live and grow into the glorious likeness of the same thy Son Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God, world without end.
Eric Milner-White, 1884-1964; OBOP no.  346


God in Heaven, you have helped my life to grow like a tree. Now  something has happened. Satan, like a bird, has carried in one twig of his own choosing after another. Before I knew it he had built a dwelling place and was living in it. Tonight, my Father, I am throwing out both the bird and the nest.
Prayer of a Nigerian Christian;  OBOP  no.  347


O thou great Chief, light a candle in my heart, that I may see what is therein, and sweep the rubbish from thy dwelling place.
An African Schoolgirl’s Prayer; OBOP no.  351


Lord, for thy tender mercy’s sake,
Lay not our sins to our charge,
But forgive what is past,
And give us grace to amend our sinful lives,
To decline from sin, and incline to virtue
That we may walk with a perfect heart
Before Thee now and evermore.  Amen
--William Farrant or John Bull