Juggling and Spirituality

 

Maurice Lalau illustration for “The Juggler of Notre Dame,” by Anatole France

 

Juggling and Spirituality

Fr. Tony’s Paw Prints Message 

The e-zine of St. Mark's Episcopal Church, Medford OR

August 19, 2022 

 

A few years ago, I was introduced to a great program to help at risk urban youth in Hong Kong.  One of the surprising elements of the program was a focus on public performance as a means of building self-esteem and confidence.  The performance art of choice for most of the kids was, of all things, juggling.  This counter-intuitive choice was explained to me by a program alumnus, who had entered the program as an off-the-rails 14-year-old, had finished it successfully and them, after successful college study, had become a business leader and leading financial contributor to the program and one of its board members:

 

“The problem with most of us was lack of confidence and poor self-esteem.  We wanted to fit into a group whose standards appeared to be low enough to accept us and cover for us. That’s what was getting us into trouble at school and with the law.  We practiced juggling because no one was good at it and everyone looked silly and uncoordinated.  No one made fun of the others because we were clearly all as inept as the next person.  As we practiced, we got better.  But most important, we learned that in public juggling, it was inevitable that we would at some point drop the ball or pin.  The key was quickly picking it up and then continuing as if nothing had happened.  If we stopped, or got flummoxed, the show disintegrated into apology and embarrassment.  If we kept on going, no one acted as if they had noticed.  Perhaps they didn’t notice.  We learned that fear of condemnation or criticism was our greatest enemy, not the failures that juggling by its very nature entailed.  We learned that what other people thought of us was really none our business and important only as a way to help us improve.  When dropping the ball, we needed to just pick it up, ignore the failure, and keep on going with renewed passion.” 

 

 

I have found the same truth in harp playing:  I practice, to be sure, but need regular performance in front of others so that I can learn gracefully to cover the inevitable flubs I will make.  I began to study harp 20 years ago as a meditative practice.  When I practice to the point where my muscle memory lets the harp play itself is when I am most “in the zone,” in the thin-veiled place I sought when I began harp playing.  Being focused and on task leaves little room for self-absorption or fears about how others view us. 

 

Often as Christians, we focus on our shortcomings rather than what is right with us. But in this what is important is amendment of life, not self-absorbed mea culpas.  Otherwise, it is not Gospel, or Good News, we are talking about, but Bad News.  When faced with a failure, or even just a minor flub, it is important to pause, pull up our socks, and get back on task, not worrying about how we look to others, but rather how we can make things right.  Proper focus means not having stage fright or performance anxiety, but rather willingness to improve without crippling remorse. 

 

To be sure, some things cannot be set right, whether because of time lapsed, or the enormity of the harm caused.  But that is why we talk about Jesus being our redeemer, and why “Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures” (1 Cor 15:3) is the first affirmation of the core apostolic preaching.  In Christ, even things that cannot be wholly fixed can be forgiven, healed, and put to rest.  We, even as truly broken people, can find healing and balm in Jesus.  Living in Christ means living without fear, or its distracting step-child, crippling remorse. 

 

Our former bishop, Michael Hanley, was a juggler.  He did it for fun, for relaxation, and perhaps even as a meditative practice: kind of like my harp playing.   The principle in juggling of picking up the ball and keeping on, not worrying too much about how others may judge us, makes me think that it is not too much of a stretch to say that juggling at heart is a spiritual practice. 

 

Grace and peace,

Fr. Tony+